


(Dis)Trust

by Poochenthecreator (orphan_account), worddumb



Category: Hermitcraft, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Collaboration, Gen, Hermitcraft - Freeform, Horror, Mind Manipulation, Psychological Horror, and doc perspective is word, neither of us knows what we're doing tho, so you know who to hate for your pain, word: sorry (they aren't), xisumas perspective is poochen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 05:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20773481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Poochenthecreator, https://archiveofourown.org/users/worddumb/pseuds/worddumb
Summary: Season 7 is fast approaching, and Xisuma is in over his head with responsibility- everything going wrong is the Last thing he needed





	1. Chapter 1

The sun shone brightly as Xisuma sat on the top of his base. It was a nice day, so other hermits were taking advantage of this by chilling outside too. The communicators were lazily pinging every ten minutes or so, hermits just messaging about Season 7 and when it was coming. Being the admin, Xisuma had already begun making preparations for the upcoming world- he decided that, despite the great weather, he’d go to the world he had decided would be the Season 7 one to make sure it was stable, and adjust the world border so if terrain changed at one point, he could extend it. He opened the chat and chuckled at the antics his friends were getting up to.

**>Iskall85**: _it’s so nice outside that I actually want to get out of this icy biome. i won’t, though_.

**>Grian:** _I’m sure some chickens would love the area! Poultry man will help out too!_

**>Stressmonster101**: _Have you forgotten that I’m his next door neighbor? I don’t need a bunch of chickens wandering over to my base, thanks_

**>FalseSymmetry:** _I can build another Grian chicken on your base, Stress_

**>Iskall85**: _GRIAN CHICKEN_

**>Xisumavoid:** _You guys have fun with that. I’m going to check out some stuff for Season 7. I’ll be back soon!_

**>Grian:** _alright, later!_

**>Iskall85:** _I’m excited!_

He stowed the communicator into his chest armor, which had a pocket sewn into it. He needed a better place to store it, but the devices were used to taking one hell of a beating, so there was no point in bothering with it, really. What he did bother with, however, was his wristband, which was disguised as a part of armor. It took only a line or two of code to transfer himself to the new world- normally, that wouldn’t be enough, but he wasn’t bringing anyone with him this time.

Now, he expected to land safely at spawn. He expected to be able to walk around and teleport himself to important areas such as the world border or the nearest village with some simple commands. Instead, he found himself hundreds of blocks in the sky, flying towards the ground at alarming speed. He tried to reach for his wristband to save himself but found that it was gone, as well as his entire set of armor and helmet- well, shit.

“ShitshitshitshitSHIT!”- he screamed before smacking into the ground, groaning as pain shot through his entire body. Jumping up from respawning, he looked around. Savannah biome with a nearby village and a lava pool right next to him. The ocean was nearby as well, ruins and a shipwreck dotting the area. “Where the hell am I?”- he mused, confusion taking it’s rightful place.

Tired and still hurting from the phantom pain, associated with death, he stood up and wandered towards the village, trying not to limp. It felt a bit… Off, but it had to be safer than hanging out in the open, that was for damn sure- with that, he waved the feeling away. The village was rather large and bled a bit into a desert biome, though still retained the savannah design.

He walked forward and took down any surrounding cactus before grabbing some acacia wood and finding a crafting table in a librarian’s home, crafting a wooden pickaxe and a wooden sword. He would need to survive the first night, if he wanted to figure out what went wrong with his transfer to the new world. “It’s going to be a long few days…” He muttered to himself, hoping Doc or Tango took over the server, while he was stuck here.

It should only take a few days, right? After all, this was a simple fix and he just had to find where his armor went so he could go back home. It couldn’t have gone far. A villager made a hrrn noise nearby and observed the admin loot its chest. “…Shoo.” He told the villager, wanting to be alone with his thoughts for now.

“Hrrn…” This would be fun… Xisuma sighed and found a book in the chest. It had some illegible writing in it, so he didn't understand it- all he knew was that it seemed hastily scribbled, before being shoved away in some form of panic.

“How strange…”- he muttered to himself, deciding to keep the book and try to translate it later. For now, however, the sun was setting and villagers were taking up beds. He needed to find some sheep and get their wool so he could sleep, though he knew he wouldn’t be able to grab enough during the night. Might as well fight some husks and skeletons- with that, he grabbed a sword, and went on his first little adventure of this world.


	2. Chapter 2

End raiding, all in all, was not at all about raiding the End- Doc pondered, sitting on the roof of one of the towers and watching on as Ren fruitlessly tried to fight off a shulker- it was about watching your friends suffer. “Doooc!”- a panicked scream was like music to his ears- “Help!” Chuckling lightly to himself, the german aimed his trusty trident at the pest, ridding of it in a puff of red smoke. Score! Gliding down to where his dear friend dramatically plopped onto the stairs, he put on the smuggest face, only to hear a tell-tale sound of elytra breaking. ‘Well, shit’- was his last thought, before-

**>Docm77 hit the ground too hard**

His head was pounding and his body was so sore, one could think he’s run a marathon. That was, however, the least of his concern- phantom pain was nothing new, he did his fair share of dying to stupid causes. But, he was not in his bed nor the soft wool spawn was covered with. Pushing himself to his knees, he felt sand pour of off him. It was stuck in his throat and limited his prosthetics movement, making him cough and bristle- why the hell did he respawn in a fucking desert? Groaning and pushing heels of his palms into eye sockets, another unpleasant discovery hit him like a truck- his helmet. It was gone. And so was his armor, and trident, and all his hard-earned stuff- it was fine, Ren would pick it up, he was fine.

Speaking of Ren- Doc finally opened his eye, squinting at how bright it was, and reached for the communicator to let the man know he didn’t just disappear. Then, he froze. It was gone. His communicator was gone. He was alone, in a desert, and his communicator was gone. Well, that was just great- he guessed Xisuma or another hermit would rescue him eventually considering how much sand everyone needed for various projects, but the perspective of being stuck in a desert, of all places, really wasn’t that fun. Looking around, he noted an ocean, shimmering oh-so-temptingly in the sun just about ten blocks away, and a temple, standing proudly between dunes in the opposite direction. Well, might as well- with that thought, Doc got up and went on to explore the structure.

Entering the temple, he checked around for mobs, and, upon seeing none, walked up to the usual diagram on the floor. Careful, he broke through the terracotta, leaning away from a cloud of dust it disturbed, and then peeking down carefully.

There was someone on the pressure plate.

Clapping hands over his ears, he recoiled from the opening, but the inevitable explosion never hit. Cracking an eye open, tension never leaving his body, Doc looked down once again, only to discover the teeny, tiny room at the bottom was as empty as ever- huh. Must be sand in his eye.

Shaking little grains out with vengeance, dark figures jumping before his vision throughout, he felt a bit better about himself- no, really, who doesn’t clean their prosthetics after face-planting into sand? That’s right, an idiot- and finally jumped down, careful to avoid the pressure plate. Some may call it reckless, he calls it not being a stuck-up pussy- giggling lightly at his own stupidity, Doc dismantled the trap, and proceeded to loot. To no one’s surprise, the first chest only held junk like rotten flesh and iron ingots in it, plus some string- it really wasn’t worth a few hearts of health he’s lost. Shaking off a tingly sensation on his back, he went to another chest- ooh, there were emeralds in this one! Nice!

Taking the green shinies, Doc went for the third chest, only to whip around- the annoying tingly feeling of someone watching him refused to leave. What was he, ten? He shouldn’t be afraid of unseen figures watching him. Groaning, he turned back to the chest, seeing another emerald, a wooden sword and- and a note, with so much text squeezed onto it one could think someone was writing memoirs on it. Picking it up, Doc squinted at the thing- hasty, chicken scratch load of words, with a ridiculous header he couldn’t read. He tried anyway, reading the clearest part out loud: “Boho.. Boho cn- cjigkye? three-a mho- mhoio? What?”- it was probably a different language, but why was there a note like this in a desert temple?

Shrugging it off and pocketing both the emerald and whatever this piece of parchment was, Doc took the sword and decided to leave. This place was giving him the chills, god why was his heart so heavy in his throat? Reaching for a rocket, he went to take off, out of here and- oh, that’s right. He didn't even have blocks. Whelp, this might take a while…

When he’s finally emerged out of the temple, the sun was going down. Almost running out of the structure and seeing the no doubt drowned infested ocean, he turned around and paced away from both- while he was about to spend a night in the desert, it was better than getting wet and dead, or staying there. Plus, mobs haven't started spawning yet, so he might come across a village in the meantime! Contracting his back muscles pointedly to get those annoying little needles of being watched out, he put on smile and rushed forward, hoping his luck would change- he was quite hungry, so a village would be great about now.

It would seem the Universe was on his side today, as soon enough, Doc’s noticed lights slightly to the left of him. Picking up speed- the sun was almost completely gone by now- he was basically running, but it didn’t matter. A smear of dark entered his peripheral vision, and Doc’s spared it a glance- it was probably a mob, could be trouble- only to see nothing, did it mean he didn’t shake all the sand out? God, that was beginning to get annoying, not to mention- oh, not that again!

Coming to a halt just in front of the village, he widened his eyes- there, fighting of at least fifteen playe- no, husks, what was with his eye today?- was Xisuma himself, except he had no armor, including his infamous helmet, on. What? No time to wonder- he ran in, getting out the sword he found, taking the situation in his hands: “X! Top of a building, now!” It was enough to startle the man into motion, slithering out of the tight spot he was in and building to the top of a nearest house, while Doc distracted the swarm of husks. Eyeing X, mainly to make sure he was safe, Doc saw a hand extended to him, and darted to it, getting pulled up and away from hungry, dry looking motherfuckers- oh god, today was a wild ride and he was exhausted. With that thought, he stopped even trying to sit up, falling on his face once again and loosing himself in an unsteady land of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .. / .--- ..- ... - / .-. . .- .-.. .. --.. . -.. / .. / -. . ...- . .-. / - --- .-.. -.. / -.-- --- ..- --..-- / .-- .... .- - / .-- .- ... / --- -. / - .... .- - / .... . .- -.. . .-. -.-.-- / .. - / ... .- -.-- ... ---... "Воно слідкує за мною"


	3. Chapter 3

Xisuma was surprised to see Doc, that was for sure- and even more surprised to see his friend collapse as soon as it was safe. He had only wrote code for himself so… why was the creeper here? Looking down to the husks banging on the side of the building, Xisuma decided he’d wait until morning to deal with them. Plus, with Doc by his side, he could take them down quickly!

Still, for tonight, he had to keep watch of Doc and make sure no skeletons would spawn in nearby and hurt them. That was a lot harder than he thought, however. He found himself wanting to drift off into an endless slumber and forget this mess ever happened. Maybe it was all a dream? Taking his chances, the admin laid back and let himself sleep, ignoring his friends loud snoring. _‘Guess that’s why no one wants to bunk with him’ _-Xisuma thought to himself, chuckling.

Morning came as soon as he closed his eyes. The admin sat up, feeling refreshed and with Doc on his legs, the creeper still snoring away. “Doc?”- he gently shook the cyborg, but found he was still out cold- “Doc? Come on… I need to get up.” He managed to push Doc off of his legs and stretch, feeling joints pop in a good way. Sleeping on a roof was never fun.

He heard villagers grunt in pain so he decided to jump down and kill the husks chasing after them- he needed them for trades and breeding, after all. When all was said and done, Xisuma managed to save five villagers and lock them into a house. “There we go.”

He saw Doc get up out of the corner of his eye and climbed up the ladder he had attached to the side of the building only an hour or so ago. “Hey. Got a ladder for us.” He smiled at the creeper, who gave a toothy grin back. God, those sharp teeth always made him shudder, especially when Doc flashed them at whoever he was trying to scare at the time.

“Thanks, man.” Doc climbed down after Xisuma got off. “Being productive, hm?” He gave a playful shove and, while Xisuma knew it was harmless, he still panicked for whatever reason. He felt almost as if Doc was going to kill him! Shaking it off as he recovered, Xisuma silently cursed himself for even thinking his friend could ever hurt him. They’ve known each other for ages!

“Not as productive as I want to be, if I’m honest. I found an odd book yesterday but I can’t really read what it says, unfortunately.” He took the book from his inventory and showed it to Doc. “It has some Galactic but it’s so hard to read, I can’t make out most of what little I understand.”

“Huh, strange. I found a note written in another language. It seems like whoever wrote this was in a hurry to get away.”

Xisuma tilted his head and opened the book. “Might as well start trying to translate. I know it says something about the Enderdragon so… maybe we have to beat her? She is the final boss, after all.”

“Think that’ll help us with our situation?” Doc asked, peeking over. “Oh, hey. Those words are pretty similar to German. I can read a few.”

“Be my guest. Anything to figure out what happened.” He gave the book to Doc while Doc gave Xisuma the note, Xisuma assuming he wanted any Galactic on it translated. He looked it over and found nothing he could pick up on, though Doc seemed to have found something.

“Watching, watching, all watching…” Doc read out, a confused look on his face. Xisuma felt a shiver run down his spine upon hearing what they could translate and, for a moment, he swore he saw somebody behind Doc.

Shaking his head and still feeling exhaustion reel from every aspect of his body, Xisuma realized that sleeping on a roof for only half a night did him no good. “We need beds,” He muttered. “I’m seeing stuff, I’m so tired.” Disbelief, or maybe fear seemed to flash across Doc’s face for a brief moment, though Xisuma figured he was just seeing more things. “I’ll go mining and you gather resources?”

“Sure. I can breed up sheep and cows while you get some diamonds. We need to get to the nether if we want to beat the ender dragon.” With that, Doc drew his sword and walked away to slaughter some livestock. Xisuma smiled and grabbed his pick, heading underground.

* * *

Three hours. It took him three hours to find diamonds, and he only had two iron! Xisuma groaned and marked down where the precious jewels were with a torch before going to find more iron. Ores seemed few and far between and Xisuma had dug a massive 15x15x15 hole in some attempt to find what he needed. He groaned and began expanding the hole before spotting some iron a few blocks in.

“Finally!” He mined it and took it to smelt, fueling up his furnace with his wooden tools and some spare sticks. No coal on him, so that was fun. “Time to mine some shinies!” Xisuma was excited, to say the least. He had been underground for far too long; it didn’t help his lack of sleep at all.

As soon as he was able to, he grabbed some obsidian and his supplies, rushing up above ground in his excited state. He climbed up a ladder he had set and spotted someone. “Oh, hey Doc!” Spotting movement in the corner of his eye, he turned around to see Doc leave a building the opposite direction of him, before looking back and seeing no one in the previous area. “…I need some sleep.” He climbed out and gave Doc the obsidian, the sun setting. “I’m going to sleep the night off. You did make beds, right?”

“Of course I did! They’re in the building closest to the desert. Largest one I found so…” Doc shrugged and Xisuma smiled, going to his bed. He fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed, ignoring the naked feeling he got from being without his usual armor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .. - / .. ... / .... . .-. . .-.-.- / .. - / .-- .- -. - ... / - .... . --


	4. Chapter 4

Doc’s day was… Rather eventful for someone who elected to spend it breeding cows and making beds. First’s things first, he got attacked by an enderman and had to fight it off with a piss poor excuse of a wooden sword, than he went on a quest for sheep and met a creeper instead. Then, peacefully gathering crops didn’t save him from danger either- a baby drowned, of all things, spawned in one block of water. If this world had a deity, it sure as hell hated his guts.

With the return of Xisuma, things didn’t get much smoother; while the admin went to sleep, Doc went to get some flint for the nether portal, and the chilly feeling he’s had ever since seeing the look in the man’s eyes after a simple, playful shove wasn’t at all helped by the setting sun. When he finally got to their temporary base, it was dark- and falling asleep had never been this hard back on Hermitcraft. The ender bitch better prepare, because Doc was gonna smite it with the passion of all the needle-skin bullshit he had to experience here!

In the morning, he was shaken awake by Xisuma, who seemed excited for it being so early in the morning. “Good morning! I’ve completed the nether portal, should we go in now?” Shooting up and smiling broadly, eager to shake the nightmare off, Doc nodded, ready to beat some nether ass any moment

“Yeah, sure! Do we have any better swords though? Wood isn’t exactly useful in a flaming pit”- he didn’t miss the slightly weird look the admin had for a second, but it was gone in a flash so probably nothing important; X could handle his own shit pretty well, he didn't need Doc worrying himself over him. The admin smiled, nodding.

“We have an iron sword in that chest over there, I think? There’s also some armor, if I remember correctly.” Great! He wasn’t exactly ready to raid a fortress with a stick. Well, not today anyway.

The trip to and through the nether wasn’t very interesting- it was early in the morning, so they got to the portal with no problem, and in the nether itself no real hazards other than the usual heat and lava existed in the first place, unless you were a fucking idiot. Plus, they found the fortress easily- conveniently so- and didn’t have much time to be in danger anyway. That’s why, when losing sight of Xisuma in a fight with three blazes, Doc wasn’t too worried; he was just confused. Why would X split off? Searching for the man proved to be rather difficult, but luckily didn’t take that much time- X was standing on the railing of the fortress, facing of a ghast, back turned to both Doc and blazes. One of which, even though he wasn’t one to criticize thanks to his own actions sometimes, was incredibly stupid.

Going to shield X’s back, he decided to make a small, snarky remark to pull the admins head out of his ass. “Why did you think turning your back to this was a good idea, gee man! That’s begging to be murdered!” He almost turned back to the fight before seeing Xisuma whip around in panic, looking not at the blazes, not a big ass ghast in front of him, but at him- eyes wide with some unknown emotion. He didn’t get much time to ponder on it, a blast flying past him and knocking the man of off the railing and right into a bubbling ocean of lava beneath them, guilt crawling around his shoulders like a venomous snake. Wait, X was still on the ledge, smiling, what-

**>Xisumavoid decided to swim in lava**

Coming back from the nether, however, proved to be rather difficult- running through a fiery wasteland was not the greatest idea, anxiety jabbing on his brain and suffocating him alongside the heat that wasn’t helping that much. And guilt digging it’s claws into his back really added to the picture- honest to god, the statement of road to home being shorter has never been less true. Jumping into the portal, Doc took the teleportation time to try and breathe- it wasn’t working, for the nether’s thick red fog was glaring at him, infiltrating and poisoning each inhale, making him see dark spots- thank god that was over, the overworld greeting him with blue sky and drops of rain. The effect, however, didn’t wear off, dark figures jumping across his vision all the way to their house, but he didn’t care- all he needed was to see X was safe.

Entering their humble abode, Doc felt a weight lift of off his shoulders- X was there, safe and sound, curled up in bed- wait, why was he still in bed? He almost jumped to the admins side, before remembering the terrified face of when he fell and coughed to make his presence known- well, he did just throw the door open, so maybe that was unnecessary. It didn’t seem to do anything, other than make the man stiffen, so Doc made a few careful steps towards the bed, stopping about a block away with his voice tentative as he spoke. “Xisuma? Are you okay, man?”

It seemed to yank X out of whatever hell he was in, the man jerking to sit upright and putting on a forced smile, turning to face Doc in a flash. “I’m up, I’m up! Everything’s fine, I was just having some thoughts, no need to worry about me!” Somehow not convinced, the creeper asked, careful about his words for once. “What about the nether though? You weren’t fine there”- that got the admin to freeze, smile fading, before a sad one took its place. “Oh, that’s nothing, just typical lack of sleep induced paranoia, don’t you worry about it”- averting his eyes and looking a bit guilty, he carried on- “Anyways, I’ll go get my armor back, I guess.” Like hell! Doc wasn’t letting his friend go burn in the nether for lost loot! It probably shown on his face, for X’s smile grew a bit more real as he chuckled. “In the mines, you silly goose! We need more diamonds anyway, so win-win!”

Relaxing, Doc nodded. “Yeah, sorry. I guess I’ll stay back and translate some more, while you’re at it”- at that, Xisuma looked thankful, and Doc felt oddly happy with that- but it was a bundle to unpack for another time. Waving the admin goodbye, he got the book out of its chest, and sat on the floor with some freshly made paper and a quill, ready to discover all the mysteries this world had to offer- not like it’d be that easy, hyperbolas are just neat.

Getting to work with a chuckle, he spent some time rocking back and forth while trying to read the first page- some words he could barely understand and some read clear and loud, mainly alluding to one thing- watching. Someone was watching. Watching the author, Doc presumed- and possibly eating the author? That one made no sense, maybe that word meant something else in context. Still, it all seemed to tie into one same thing- someone watching, and-

And Doc felt a crust hardening on his spine like a badly made shield from stares, the ones he could feel in the temple and was feeling right now, as though his back was an expensive painting someone couldn’t wait to buy, the worst way of flattery maybe ever by someone Doc didn’t know. Okay, he was being stupid- with that thought, he forced himself to whip around, seeing nothing as usual. With that in mind, he came back to reading, cautious and careful, flipping to the next page- not because he was done with the previous one, selfish- no, he just needed a break- and trying to ignore both the feeling of being watched and guilt over Xisuma that sat like a fish at the bottom of his heart, dead weighting it, slithery and gross and making bile come close to his throat.

When he really thought about it, he had every reason to feel guilty, he guessed- he was acting like a child, being scared of shadows, pretending to not be bothered by it- like it changed the fact that he was- his grip on the book tightened, closing his eyes and counting from ten. Is this what intrusive thoughts felt like? No, intrusive thoughts were unreasonable, he was just trying to appear like a victim- shaking his head, Doc felt like a dog shrugging off water, rather than a human. Okay, doesn’t matter guilty or not, he better translate this thing soon- he doesn’t need another thing to feel guilty about. Seeing a flash of an upset X, Doc ruffled up and went back to reading, letting nagging, prickly feeling of being watched eat away on his mind and successfully explaining heavy and hot in his stomach with hunger. Boy, this would be a long read…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .. ... -. .----. - / .. - / .- / ..-. ..- -. / --- -. . --..-- / - .... --- ..- --. .... ..--..


	5. Chapter 5

Xisuma was glad to be in the mines. He was glad to be away from Doc. Despite knowing the creeper cyborg was his friend, he couldn’t seem to shake off the bad feeling that Doc was why he fell into lava and lost all of his stuff. As he had been falling, he swore he had seen Doc smiling after pushing him. Logically, he knew a stray fireball had managed to knock him into the lava below but… what if it wasn’t?

Shaking his head, Xisuma decided to mine faster. He needed a distraction from this mess. And distraction he found, in the form of mossy stone bricks! Did… did he just accidentally mine into a stronghold?

Now with the nether incident shoved away, he broke fully into the structure and ran inside, laughing in excitement. A stronghold had been right below them! He found himself running through the labyrinth of stone brick halls, haphazardly placing torches down as he searched for the portal or even a library!

He found one of those sooner than expected- the room full of books. Dodging cobwebs and having to slice at the occasional mob, he weaved his way between the shelves until he found a chest. “Yes!”- he climbed up and dug into it with glee, tossing paper and enchanted books into his inventory, stopped in his tracks when he found a book with writing. Okay, might as well read it.

He closed off all entrances, before sitting against a wall and beginning to read. Or, well, trying to. It was chicken scratch, at best. But it was in English so that’s good! “Let’s see… watching me. …want me to stay. …watch me die thousands of more times in lava before I succumb... will burn before…”

Xisuma shuddered and set the book down. He got a sudden chill and, for once, he felt absolutely terrified. This is what sheer terror was like. This is what it felt like to be hopeless, helpless, and powerless. Gulping down the sudden lump in his throat, he threw the book against the wall and backed even further against the stone bricks.

“This… This is just me being paranoid.” He told himself as he chuckled at his unexplained terror. “I just… need to find the portal room and get out of here and… sleep it off.” If he was honest, he had been sleeping too much lately but he actually felt relaxed when he did so. Every waking moment had been spent shaking and wondering why the hell he was so tense.

Slowly getting up, he walked from the library and was met with a creeper, who exploded mere feet from him and released about 15 silverfish from their resting blocks. Knowing his wooden sword wouldn’t do much against them without causing more damage to himself, Xisuma ran past them. They bit at his ankles but he kept running in some attempt to find the portal room in his panic.

The sound of bubbling lava made him want to scream and give up but he took this as a sign that this was the direction the room was in. He quickly blocked off the entrance and slid through a one block high gap before slamming a dirt block in its place, gasping and panting. “…F-fuck…” He muttered.

Taking his pickaxe, he destroyed the spawner and sat where it once had been. Nothing was in the portal. That meant they had to make a lot of eyes of ender to complete it. Somehow, he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Reaching for his communicator-

Right. He lost that when he got to this world. He’d just have to climb back up and tell Doc. However, he was not eager to mine through blocks and risk another silverfish attack. So, he just watched the lava bubble and boil as he gathered his thoughts, not quite over the book he had read earlier. “…They’re watching me…” He tiredly muttered, and the small ping of content he got from that was more terrifying, than any book he ever read.


	6. Chapter 6

Doc was deep in the book when he heard the door squeak and open, immediately followed by a loud, shaky exhale. Shaking off the goosebumps he suddenly got, he looked up to see Xisuma leaning against the door and breathing heavily, not paying him any mind, so he coughed to get the admin’s attention. “Hey there man! How did the dig go?” It seemed to startle the man, as he grabbed for his heart before relaxing once again.

“Pretty good, actually! You’ll never guess what I’ve found!”

That got the cyborg’s attention, perking up a bit and deciding to have a laugh. “What, a stronghold?”- which was a bad joke, considering X froze in place and looked near panicked, shit. A slightly nervous smile came back to the admins face.

“Yeah, amazing right? It’s really close to us, conveniently enough.”

Straightening his back again, Doc responded with a smile of his own. “Nice! Is there a library there?”- that got yet another freeze from the man, who then reached into his bag, looking everywhere but at Doc as he spoke again.

“Speaking of the library, I found this little curious thing in one of the chests, and I was wondering if you could take a look…” Xisuma trailed off, glancing at him once again, while the cyborg went to take a relatively small, old-looking journal from the admin’s hand. He was careful not to make skin to skin contact, and yet again it feels like the wrong decision- X jerks the hand away and the guilty look in his eyes is a lot worse than Doc ever imagined it to be.

“Welp, I’m off to bed!” -the admin scurried off the second said journal was in the cyborg’s hand, and Doc barely had any time to say ‘good night’ before Xisuma disappeared into the blankets. Okay, then- he went to sit by the window, ready to ‘take a look’ at whatever the man brought home.

The first thing he noted, whoever wrote this has horrible hand writing, and even worse plot ideas- the first page seems to be nothing but two words repeating over and over again, scribbled onto paper so crudely he has trouble deciphering them at all. ‘Protect’? Maybe not protect, maybe ‘perfect’? Yes, that’s better. And the other one’s ‘wrapper.’ No, that makes no sense, and does it really...? No… ‘Weapon’? ‘Perfect weapon’. The word combination hit him hard like a truck, making his heart beat faster and his head pound as chills made him cold all over, so he closed the journal and took a deep breath. “This is stupid,” he muttered, closing his eyes.

After a few seconds of breathing with his eyes closed, Doc opened the book again, on a random page- good, it seems there’s a lot more than just two meaningless words. Concentrating on the page, he saw way too many squiggly lines he didn’t even try to think about, and a few words that may be rescued from this bunched up mess of a… Thing. Calling this a book was a crime against writers, and it probably was not a journal. Maybe a diary? Oh, he should not be getting distracted- with a ping of guilt, the german came back to his work, slightly surprised how easy it was to make out this time: “Make something-something hate me”.

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that out loud- he tensed, waiting for Xisuma to say something- but nothing happened, only crackling of torches and soft breathing filling the air. Bringing up his shoulders somewhat defensively, Doc looked back to the diary, this time keeping his discovery to himself- ‘betray **** to lava and watch **** scream, I enjoy every second’.

By the end of the sentence, his head is deep in his shoulders, he might just rip the diary with how tight his grip is, everything’s shaky and out of focus, his skin feels like hard, cold tissue, he did not want X to die, he did not kill him at all, he did not-

Hugging himself, the cyborg took a shuddering breath, curling and uncurling in rhythm to it, trying to straighten his back all the while. It’s just a book, it’s not talking about him, he didn’t try to kill his friend- in fact, he felt guilty for letting him die! Check mate, incisive thoughts! He smiled despite himself, which came out horribly crooked, and took more inhales through gritted teeth, cold air scrapping his lungs and sobering his mind, until he glanced at the book again- ‘want to wield trident again’

The air is intoxicating.

Doc coughed, one time, another, choking on nothing but his swirling thoughts- he loves to kill, torture, how can he think he’s good, he knows it, he’s done it all before and he loved it, why does he bother to stay good he’s stupid, this is stupid he should’ve pushed x off that cliff- breathing gets harder and harder- stupid, stupid, stupid, shut up!

He didn’t realize he’s been choking himself, until there’s a growl outside- bringing his hands down and grabbing his stupid wood sword, he inhaled at last, and jumped head first into fight the undead.

Once he was outside, he saw the zombie- only one, weirdly enough, they usually spawn in hoards- but he didn’t care, charging at the thing, ready to throw out all his pent up energy and frustration with the world at it. Slashing at it, he got a very good hit- score! With glee and fury, he carried on, stabbing the thing in the arm with a wooden sword of all things, YES! Another blow sent the zombie staggering backwards, with very low health- the hunter instinct in Doc was on a rampage, delight coating his heart in warm hone, making him smile for real for the first time, since he got here-

Before he could deliver one last hit, the zombie wasn’t there anymore.

Instead, there was a.. A player, just human in appearance, long hazel hair flowing down and framing their face. The face.. Was indifferent, like a porcelain mask of what once was, deader than the zombie before, so perfectly still, almost sad with how… Emotionless it was. The player just… Stood there, and Doc couldn’t breathe, and-

The zombie was a lot closer, than it had any right to be. Slashing at the beasts throat, he fell falling to his knees before the pile of rotten flesh it had become, grabbing at his head, almost screaming out loud at the absolute mess he was. It was so loud he couldn’t hear it; he felt like his body was wrapped in barbed wire, his heavy breathing stood out against the serene of the night-

He stopped breathing and shaking, forcing himself to compose, and after a few seconds of total silence, he got up and went inside, pointedly ignoring all the thoughts that were trying to render him a useless pile on the floor. He yanked the door open, stepped into the house, closed the door without turning around, and stood there. Second, other second, yet another one-

The cyborg collapsed on the floor, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes, perfectly quiet for Xisuma’s sake, fighting the thoughts that rummaged through his head, even if he couldn’t even hear them- he killed them, he killed them, he killed them he killed the he killed them- he wanted nothing more than to scream or cry or-

He’s choking himself again. Noting that, Doc got up, going to the bed in measured steps. Laying down, he has one last thought, before falling unconscious-

‘Perfect weapon’- the intoxicating sweetness and love behind the words is deafening, and he would not be surprised if it’s what knocked him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .--. . .-. ..-. . -.-. - / .-.. .. - - .-.. . / - --- -.-- ...


	7. Chapter 7

Xisuma couldn’t shake off that horrible feeling, the feeling that Doc was destined to kill him over and over and over until some being claimed him as its victim. Desperate to get away from the guilt and fear consuming his every sense, he decided to hunt endermen. He didn’t have enough iron or diamonds to make a full set of armor, thus forcing him to wear a diamond helmet, iron chest plate, iron leggings, and leather boots. He felt like some mismatched fashion disaster, if he was entirely honest.

At least the leather boots kept the sand from his shoes. Hunting in a desert is never fun. He spotted one of the tall, monstrous beings and grinned, dashing under his enderman shelter and looking it directly in the eyes-

_“JOIN US.”_

Xisuma fell back and coughed at the screeching voice in his head, a choking feeling coming over him as the enderman pounded on the outside of his shelter. Nails dug into his throat and he let out a choked scream as he thrashed about, finally freeing himself of whoever was choking him. Whipping around and readying his iron sword, he saw no one. The enderman screamed loudly in anger of being looked at so Xisuma slashed his sword, killing it in a single, angry blow.

It dropped an ender pearl- the admin leaned down to grab it but noticed bits of blood on his finger nails. Confused, he dug a small hole and set down some water from a bucket he had on him, looking at his own reflection. He had nail marks on his neck and even broke some skin, making him bleed slightly. He couldn’t have choked himself, could he?

He coughed and sat down, checking how many ender pearls he had. 4. He needed quite a few more but, if he was entirely honest, he was not eager to hunt another enderman. So, he began exploring a bit. Avoiding mobs and even killing a few as he went about, he began to feel as if he was being followed.

Xisuma had to keep looking back and around himself. The needles of being watched and stalked only served to wrack his already tense nerves, forcing him to constantly be on edge. Something had to be following him for him to feel like this! Whipping around for yet another time that night, he found himself face to face with… something, yet, it was gone in a flash, making him wonder if he had just been hallucinating.

Shaking it off and shrugging his shoulders to pop them, he began walking again. “I’m just tired…” He muttered to himself. Then again, he had been tired lately. Far too tired for it to be brushed off as normal. He lowered his head as he thought to himself. Why had he been so tired? Why did he get so tense around Doc? Why was he seeing things all of a sudde-

He was stopped in his thoughts by feeling someone push him into a ravine. As he was falling, he caught a glimpse of his attacker- Doc. The creeper cyborg was grinning before turning to walk away, shadows at the end of his lab coat. Xisuma screamed and gasped in pain as he hit the bottom, not quite dying from the fall. His entire body ached now and the groans of nearby zombies did nothing to will him to get up.

Doc had pushed him. Doc had tried to kill him! Doc was going to try again. That much, Xisuma was sure of. He slowly pushed himself to his feet, groaning at the sharp pains radiating through his body as it tried to mend itself. That was always the worst part about surviving falls- you had to be in pain for god knows how long after.

He looked around and noted the mobs nearby, deciding he had to get out or lose what ender pearls he had worked so hard to gather. Hell, they didn’t even have an enchanting table due to lack of resources. Ores were so hard to come by and… Xisuma shook his head to clear away any distrustful thoughts about Doc. He was his friend, he’d never! …Right?

Struggling to climb and having to stop to gather himself every few blocks, he was surprised when he began hearing voices from the mobs below. _“Join us.” _He looked down and gulped, each mob watching him with almost intelligent expressions. Deciding he most definitely did not want to join them, he climbed up intently and finally reached the top.

As soon as he placed a hand at the top of the ravine, a loud voice screeched in his head and made him lose his tight grip. _“IT WANTS YOU.” _He caught himself on a ledge and groaned at dislocating a shoulder in his scramble. He’d have to fix it later, that was for sure. He climbed up again and heaved himself over the edge and to the top, panting loudly and ignoring the nearby enderman speaking in its own language.

“?pu s’tahW” It tilted its head before shaking it and scurrying off with a flower in hand. Strange creatures.

Xisuma got up and began walking back to his not so welcoming home. But that feeling of being watched and followed returned. That feeling that he was prey ready to be devoured by a hidden predator about to pounce on him. He tried shaking it off again and actually paying attention to what was before him. To what he was doing and where he was going.

Shadows seemed to manifest near him but every time he turned to look at them, they were gone. “Okay, Xisuma. You’re just in too much pain to process everything correctly,” he reassured himself. Those words did nothing to comfort him, in all honesty. It just made him feel worse and the burning pain from his dislocated shoulder only served to unnerve him even more; it reminded him to the nether incident too much.

Doc had to have pushed him back then and Xisuma knew he saw Doc push him into the ravine! He shook his head but the thoughts wouldn’t go away. The feeling of being stalked, hunted, and played with like he was some poor field mouse tossed around by a hungry cat would not go away. He saw Doc beside him and whipped around to confront him but saw nothing. The area was void of anything he might mistake for a player.

He took off running.

He wanted to find Doc. He needed to confront him! He needed to ask what the fuck his problem was and why the hell he acted so weird and what the fuck those damn choke hold bruises around his neck were doing there! He ran and ran and ran until he came across the village. Doc’s shadow was in their house as he seemed to pace. Angry and in pain, he ran to the door and slammed it open, making the cyborg jump.

“Doc.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... . .----. ... / .--. --- .-- . .-. .-.. . ... ... / - --- / ... - --- .--. / - .... . / ... . . -.. ... / --- ..-. / -.. --- ..- -... - / -. ..- .-. - ..- .-. . -.. / -... -.-- / .... .. ... / ... . .-.. ..-.


	8. Chapter 8

“Doc.”

Oh, _fuck_, Xisuma is angry with him. Of course he would be, what with the shit Doc’s been thinking and doing-

Whipping around to face the admin as soon as his muscles _finally_ decided to unlock, he did so just in time to fully grasp a stern ‘we need to talk’ come from the man, thus freezing him all over again. Shit, he fucked up, what did he do? What _didn’t _he do?

Simply nodding as to not upset his friend further- because _of course_ he would- the german had just now noticed how bruised and broken the man looked, shoulder hanging like it had been poorly added on, and felt his stomach sink. This was his fault, Xisuma wasn’t the best at combat, he should’ve been there-

“So uhh… I’ve been tired lately”.

_What?_

“Oh, really?”- well, that was a great response, congratulations Doc, you made him scared. Way to go. Trying to save the situation- if he still could that is- the cyborg tried to sound as non-threatening as he could, which is to say-

“I mean, you have been sleeping alright?” Well, now he sounded more like an idiot than an actual threat, so that’s better, good, now to keep that up-

“Uhh, yeah, but I just can’t shake it off, for some reason. Anyways-“ the admin took a step forward- “…not what I wanted to talk about.” His voice is steely, sending shivers, needles and goo of guilt up Doc’s spine, what could he do to fix this-

Xisuma took a deep breath of air, and the cyborg was ready to hear he’s out, bracing for the words to come, but- There was only coughing. Looking at the admin for the first time proper, the man was choking himself with one hand, Doc darted to help- 

“Get away!”

Okay, hint taken, at least he wasn’t doing that anymore, but what if he needed it, oh shit-

“S- sorry. Happens all the time, does it?” What? Oh!

“Yeah”. Well, that was a great response. Could he really not talk, stupid- 

“Anyways, I’ve been hunting enderman and… Almost sounds like they talk, kinda, doesn’t it?” So that’s where his injuries are from, stupid, he should’ve not let X go on his own-

“Yeah.”

Shit, SHit, SHIT, this is so fucking bad, oh fuck-

“Good to know- Uhh, you’ve been… In the house all night, right?” The man sounds hopeful, desperate even, and he might know why. Okay, not a fucking yeah this time please-

“I was”- good, holding his breath in helped, sweet to know.

“Ah- must just be my imagination, then, I apologize”- why the fuck was he being so formal? What did Doc do? What did Xisuma think Doc do but he didn’t? What did Doc not do?

“I’ll be going to sleep now, I think. Good night!”- but the injuries- no, if he speaks up the admin will be scared or pissed. He should not scare him, he knows what he’s doing and doesn’t need this kind of help, just- just don’t. Don’t get on his nerves, he’s done so much for you, you _useless-_

And what exactly did he do? Quite the nerve he had, talking to Doc like that in such a state, it was kind of adorable, how he thought he had any power over Doc at any time, much less now. Truly adorable.

**.**

**.**

**.**

Okay, _what the fuck was that- _

Grabbing at his hair to distract from a deep itch in his forehead that made him want to bang it on the closest wall for _thinking_, what in the world was he thinking, stupid, feeling his skin to tight around his body, dead, useless, stupid skin that only got in the way, it was so damn hot and nothing at all in the same time, what-

He was outside, now. Came out of the house staggering, at least he wouldn’t be a bother, and Xisuma would probably have trouble sleeping with him there, so this was good news. What wasn’t good news, he didn’t take anything with him. Not even a sword. Well, not like he could just waltz back in now, so he might as well gather some crops to make the admin something nice to heal. 

Walking up to a farm, he prayed to the Universe he would not get killed- that would be such an inconvenience, he had things to do and a man to avoid- the cyborg had already crouched, ready to pick some potatoes, when those annoying prickles on his back started dancing patterns, instead of just being there as always, now. Why would they pick up? Ah, whatever-

Turning around in hopes seeing nothing as usual would subdue the annoying static- which, it never did, but one can hope- Doc has instead met eyes with an enderman. Well shit-

He’d gotten up and ready right in time with the beast’s enraged roar, and, as angry fractured noises filled his ears, whipped around knowing it was there, even though there was no use- he had no weapons, no armor, he was _done for_\- was he?

Shit, there’s an enderman in front of you, pay attention!

“!pleH”

The sudden, unusual sound sent him staggering instead, parts of the beasts skin replaced with human flesh, there was a hybrid player before him, grabbing at their head as though in pain, so different to the one he’d killed- at least he couldn’t kill this one- he could and he will- stupid, stupid- he really should do that right now when he thinks about that- not a good idea- why not?

He realized there were clawed hands at his throat a second too late. Well, now he had no excuse-

The player went up in a puff of red smoke. Doc’s prosthetic stayed firmly in the air where the strangers heart must’ve been. 

Was he really going to cry over this? Pathetic. He knew full well he was made for this, it was _fun_! So why?.. Eh, whatever- he had a perfect plaything at home, maybe if he used it he’d-

_Enderman bite people’s heads off. _

Why was that important? He already knew they did, what kind of a _killing machine_ would he have to be to not know? He was being weird. 

Ready to head back home, he’d almost started walking, when-

A ping of pain went off in his head, and only now was he aware of his unreplaced hand grasping tightly at his neck, almost crushing it, he fell to his knees, dark spots were dancing in front of his vision, how long did he not breathe, why did he not feel that, _how fucking dare he_ think of his friend this way, he was disgusting- 

**>Docm77 suffocated**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -... .-.. --- --- -.. / .- -. -.. / ..-. .-.. . ... .... / .-. . -- . -- -... . .-.


	9. Chapter 9

Stupid! Why didn’t he say anything?! Xisuma hit the wall with his good hand, reminding himself that his shoulder still needed to be set. It ached like hell and all he did was scream at Doc and go to bed. He groaned loudly and sat back, staring at the ceiling.

Maybe Doc didn’t push him into the ravine? Then again, he had enough time to go home. Xisuma had struggled to get out for a while there, so it could be- Doc materialized in the bed near him, respawning from a recent death.

“What the hell?!” Maybe he should wake the cyborg up- but it seemed like fate had the same plan, Doc jumping up in bed with a scream, looking around wildly before his gaze fell upon the admin. “What are you looking at me for?”- Xisuma spat out, all too aware of the murderous intent in Doc’s eyes.

“I… Nothing,” Doc curtly stated while looking away. “Doesn’t matter now.”

“I say it does. You’ve been acting strange since we came here and, frankly, it’s pissing me off. You’re too aggressive and I honestly don’t know how I didn’t see it before. But, whatever.” Xisuma got up and decided to grab his shitty iron pickaxe, since none of the villagers he had were ones with Mending, his diamond one had broken long ago. “I’m going to the caves. Why don’t you actually do something productive and not want to murder me just because I looked at you funny?”

“Xisuma, it isn’t what you thi-“

“Yeah, sure. I thought I could trust you.”

With that, he grabbed some food and headed down, slamming the door behind him. He fought the tears of anger that pricked at his eyes and decided to take his rage out on mining, striking his pickaxe wildly against various types of stone. He just wanted- no, he fucking needed to get out of this world and, most importantly, away from Doc. Speaking of the cyborg, Xisuma saw him from the corner of his eye and turned to spat at him before coming face-to-face with a creeper.

“Great. Just fucking great.” He slumped, waiting for it to explode but found it only staring at him. “Uh… Is… is this a glitch?” It took a step towards him and tilted its head, and-

_“It hurts. It hurts so much.”_ -

the same voice he had heard in the ravine hit him with the same level of intensity.

He screamed and backed away, gripping his head. A sudden headache hit him and made his vision waver. Darkness and shadows danced across his vision, sheer terror overtaking him. He looked back to so many incidents with Doc.

The first shove. Doc was going to hurt him then! He played it off as a playful gesture but Xisuma fucking knew. _He knew._ Doc was testing how far he could go. The Nether fall. Doc had pushed him in hopes of getting rid of the admin. He was pushing limits and had shoved him so he could have this world to his own. The ravine. Doc wanted him dead and showed no indication of trying to hide it. Doc was planning on killing him and freeing himself from the world while leaving Xisuma to suffer forever.

He coughed and realized he was choking himself again, nails digging into his neck and drawing blood, which dribbled down along his skin slowly. He ripped his hand from himself and gasped for air. Xisuma slumped against the wall with such intense shaking that he was sure he’d vomit and pass out.

He needed something to distract him. He needed his shoulder set.

He slowly got up, positioning his shoulder against the wall, feeling it and making sure it was aligned with his socket before slamming against the stone. A loud _SNAP_ and pain enough to make his stomach churn followed before he collapsed, hot tears running down his face. It was back where it was meant to be, at least, holy shit it hurt-

He coughed and slowly sat up, losing what he had eaten before wiping his mouth. The creeper only tilted its head again and the voice was soft this time, laced with worry. “_You’re hurt. It wants you hurt._” Xisuma glared at the mob before noticing that it was a player.

Their face was dull. They had dark skin but that was almost untellable with how pale they were- like they were dead and had been for long. “WHAT THE FU-“ He scrambled back before losing the rest of his stomach from his shoulder aching so badly. He looked back up from vomiting and noticed the player/mob gone. Shit, how does he breath again?

“F-fuck…” He coughed more and stood up, aware of more tears running down his face. “This isn’t real… It’s not real. This can’t be…” Xisuma grabbed his pickaxe but felt that he was in no condition to mine. Why the hell did he even think this was a good idea?!

Digging in his inventory for some food to help his body mend itself, he remembered that he had some ender pearls on him. 5 of them. He also had a few blaze rods so he quickly combined the materials, creating 5 eyes of ender. “7 more,” he told himself. He could do this.

Determined, he climbed into the stronghold and stumbled his way towards the portal room. He just needed to get there and, despite the fact that he could hear mobs nearby, he chose to ignore them as he munched on some baked potatoes. It’d take a lot of food to heal his shoulder but he was fine with that. He had barely eaten since he got here anyways. _“Xisuma.”_

He whipped around upon hearing Doc’s voice. Nothing. Glancing around in paranoia, he turned back around and began walking back to his destination. _“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”_ Xisuma turned around again. He screamed and fell back at seeing some sort of a player only inches from his face. They were pitch black with shadows flowing from their feet but, as soon as they were there, they were gone and left only whispers of apologies.

Tears filled his vision again as he realized that he was going mad. He was insane and Doc was going to kill him and he was doomed to die here and- “Xisuma!”

“Doc?”- he stood up and spotted Doc turn a corner, eyes wide and anger etched onto his face, fists balled up and sword in hand. “What the hell do you want?!” He stood up and noticed the portal room nearby. All he had to do was outrun Doc. All he had to do was cover the entrance and get ready to fight. “If you’re here to finish me off, then I’m not letting you!”

He drew his stone sword. He’d have to be faster than Doc, who held an iron sword with Fire Aspect, which they had gotten from a book found in the stronghold. “Xisuma, listen to me!”

“So you can betray me again?!” Xisuma began walking backwards towards what he hoped was safety. “Like hell!” He turned heel and ran, scrambling to gather blocks so Doc would be stopped in his chase. However, he was too slow thanks to his shoulder and he found himself on the ground with a sword pointed at his chest.

“Go ahead. Kill me. Kill me and free yourself from this hellhole. But if you go back without me, everyone will know what you’ve done. That you’re a god damned monster. That you’re a cold-blooded killer who acts only to sate his bloodlust.” He mustered up the best glare he could. “Kill me. Kill me and tells the hermits you won. But you _will_ live with the guilt and the stars will know of your crimes.”

“I… I’m not going to kill you!” Doc spat out. He put his sword away and hissed softly. “Dammit! You’re the one acting like I’m some sort of killer! If you really want me to be, then I sure as hell can!”

Xisuma got up and shoved Doc, who stumbled back. “Get the fuck away from me! You know you’re a fucking mad-man and that you want me dead! I can’t believe I didn’t see how cruel you were before! If we ever get back, you’re no longer are welcome on Hermitcraft. You’re banned.”

Doc took a step back with shock on his face. “I-i… Why?!”

“You’re a fucking killer!” Xisuma took out his eyes of ender and hopped onto the portal frame. “Let’s get the hell out of here and just end this. I’m sure Ren wouldn’t mind you being banned after he hears how many times you’ve tried to kill me!” He slammed an eye of ender into the frame.

A loud screech made both players cover their ears and Xisuma fell forward towards the lava pool. He was caught by Doc, who pulled him to safety. The world shook and blocks around the portal cracked. Xisuma noticed the lava disappearing before seeing a hole leading into the void opening up as the portal frame began cracking. “…Shit, I think we’re running out of time!”


	10. Chapter 10

Guilt ate away at Doc like a hungry dog chowing down on its first fresh kill in years, tearing chunks from his soul- maybe Xisuma was right? He wasn’t to be trusted. He’s always thought like _this_, didn’t he? He always loved to hurt, it was _fun_, even if he didn’t- he _did_\- he let X go to the mines _alone_-

Grabbing what ender pearls he had- 5 was a good amount- he made his way towards the stronghold. Sure, he made mistakes, but letting a man with a _dislocated shoulder_ go into the _fucking mines_ was on a whole new level even for him- 

At least he made sure to snag an iron sword before leaving. It definitely wasn’t his trident but it had Fire Aspect, so it was… Fine. _It was not enough._

He almost threw up at the thought, stomach churning, heart heavy enough to drop through to bedrock, he’d never use a trident again, he only wanted it to hurt people, he wanted to hurt even his closest friends with it, it was always that way, tridents were so powerful, he was enough of a hazard without them-

_But god they were so fun!_

He slammed a fist against the wall, breathing ragged and muscles twitching as anger at himself, Xisuma, _everyone_ burned in his chest, charring up his insides like a fire destroying homes and lives alike, all he wanted was for it to stop, _and_ _he knew exactly how_! He was the perfect weapon, after all! He shouldn’t feel guilty! 

He should feel fucking happy! He should embrace this part of him! After all, when he didn’t just now, his face might have melted off at how hot it was! And he cried! What more _evidence_ did he need? 

Doc looked to the hole Xisuma had mined to enter the stronghold and heard the admin’s staggering footsteps, so weak and disoriented, like a wounded animal. Fitting!_ Come on now_, _go have some fun_!

A smile spread on his face.

“Of course” 

He climbed into the structure, perfectly silent, watching the man’s every move. Xisuma was such a fun little plaything, stumbling about like this, full of paranoia and bruises! He was but a simple piece of prey to Doc, there too0… Help, with his… Hunger for fun!

Gripping his sword tighter with his unreplaced hand, he got ready to-

_“Don’t hurt me, please” _

The cyborg jumped at the voice and whipped around, spotting nothing but air. That had been Xisuma, right? It was his voice, after all. He shook his head and found the hunger fading, his happiness with it, no matter how much he tried to keep his grip on it-

“Xisuma!”- he growled loudly, rounding the corner right on time to see the admin hoisting himself up, weak and vulnerable and in pain-

He balled his fists, knuckles going white and wood cracking lightly with the force, and glared, he was the cause of this and what the hell was this disgusting hot goo in his chest-

“What the hell do you want?!”

Doc blinked in shock as he noticed Xisuma getting ready to run. The admin was… he was _terrified_. Oh shit this was his fault, what was he _thinking_\- 

“If you’re here to finish me off, then I’m not letting you!”

Oh Universe damn him, what had he done- his own friend was so scared of him that he was ready to run into what could be danger, or death, or worse-! Doc needed to ground the man- “Xisuma, listen to me!”- great fucking job well done-

“So you can betray me again?! Like hell!” Xisuma took off towards the portal room. Doc gave chase. Oh boy he had a bad feeling about this- the admin was running towards a fucking perma death- Xisuma struggled to gather blocks but the cyborg was faster, pointing his sword at the admin’s chest-

The glare on the hermit’s face hurt Doc more than it ever should, he knew he deserved it. Xisuma was doing so much work and yet all Doc want was hurt him, attack and maim him forever, why was he like this- _why would he not be_-

“Go ahead. Kill me. Kill me and free yourself from this hellhole. But if you go back without me, everyone will know what you’ve done. That you’re a god damned monster. That you’re a cold-blooded killer who acts only to sate his bloodlust”- each word held so much venom Doc would get poisoned if he came any closer- “Kill me. Kill me and tells the hermits you won. But you _will_ live with the guilt and the stars will know of your crimes.”

“I… I’m not going to kill you!”- he put the sword away, sighing- “Dammit! You’re the one acting like I’m some sort of killer! If you really want me to be, then I sure as hell can!” 

Oh, Doc was never this happy to be angry _again_ after what felt like ages-! 

A harsh shove only reinforced it! This little pest was so getting it! 

“Get the fuck away from me! You know you’re a fucking mad-man and that you want me dead! I can’t believe I didn’t see how cruel you were before! If we ever get back, you’re no longer are welcome on Hermitcraft. You’re banned.”

The words felt like a cold slap. “I-I… Why?!” He knew he had been acting out of line lately but this- no, this was expected if he was honest- but those thoughts were not his fault, he’d never- were they? No-

“You’re a fucking killer!”

Xisuma took out a few ender eyes and hopped onto the portal frame, disgust and hate in his eyes. It hurt, and the admin didn’t care, but this was his fault- _what_, _a few thoughts he never acted at? He was being ridiculous_\- what was with Xisuma?! What was with Doc?!

“Let’s get the hell out of here and just end this. I’m sure Ren wouldn’t mind you being banned after he hears how many times you’ve tried to kill me!”- an eye of ender got slammed into the frame.

A loud screech made Doc cover his ears. Opening his eyes, Xisuma was falling towards the lava pool-

“Shit-“ He grabbed the admin by the shirt and pulled him back to safety, both hitting the ground and watching in horror as the portal frame began to crack, lava falling away till void showed it cold self though the hole in the floor-

“…Shit, I think we’re running out of time!” No shit Sherlock-

Next thing he knew, he was being dragged to the library- “What the hell is going on?!”- which was a good question, a far too intelligent zombie reaching for them-

_“Don’t run. It’ll be fine…” _

Doc glanced at the admin and it was clear that the other had heard the mob too-“It’s fucking with us, don’t stop!“

“I figured-”- Doc never thought dodging sorrowful creepers was a thing-

_“You have a chance… We never did.”_

Explaining what the hell was up would’ve been more helpful, now out of the way I’m building here-

“I have 5 ender pearls! Catch!” The admin nodded, crafting them up: “3 more! Only 3 more!” They scrambled. Chests, chests, chests, dust, flesh, paper, more paper-

“Found one!”- X called from the upper floor of the library. Yes! Doc did a silent cheer and nearly fell, the world was going nuts again with all the shaking- 

And they still needed two more, and mobs were scraping against the outside of their barricade, whispering pleas for either escape or join, good thing they can’t break it, and where the fuck where they going to find two more ender pearls on such short notice?!

As if the Universe decided to be favorable upon them today, an enderman teleported in. Doc jumped down and readied his sword. One pearl was better than nothing- “!pleh ll’I” He slashed as it spoke, taking it down- it left two ender pearls.

“Not questioning it!”- he laughed, grabbing them, holding up like a beacon- “GOT TWO MORE!” Xisuma jumped down sword in hand and tossed him some powder, the eyes were ready in under a second, Doc broke the barricade and they charged, evading mobs, practically tearing their way to the portal. At least some things became clearer with all those pleas to succumb to the world, geez-

Placing the little amount of eyes he had in in a frenzy, he saw Xisuma do the same- as soon as the portal opened, Doc shoved his friend in and went in after. The Enderbitch was going down!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, goodness! I'm so sorry about that wait! Both Word and I have trouble with the fighting and, in the end, we both did half of the chapter. I wanted it to be right so I took extra time editing it and making sure it flowed well. We're almost there now!

Xisuma stumbled forward from impact of Doc’s shove, the cyborg manifesting next to him on the platform with the same clumsy stumble, though this one was from his own momentum. Deciding to waste no time, he begun building to the island. Doc was behind him, rocking back and forth idly. He looked so… casual now.

Why did he think Doc was dangerous? Had he been under the world’s influence? But, then again… Doc did kill him in the Nether. The memories of burning to lava made Xisuma shudder. Doc was going to kill him again if given the chance. He would finish what he started-

Loud static interrupted his thoughts- they might not be his, however- and he whipped around just in time to see Doc pull his prosthetic out of an enderman-shaped puff of smoke. The German looked, to say the least bit, concerned about that use of it. “Did you look it in the eye?” The cyborg shrugged, extending the ender pearl to him.

“I thought it was you…” Cautiously accepting the gift, Xisuma simply muttered ‘it wasn’t’ and was about to turn around when Doc shoved a used-looking bow into his hands, along with a bunch of arrows. “Thought you could use this. You’re lucky I try to come prepared.”

He accepted the bow better than he did the enderpearl. He’d need to be precise; only so many arrows had been given to him. Did Doc want him to fail? He shook his head and threw the enderpearl to the side of one of the obsidian pillars, successfully getting away from the murder machine beside him.

A herd of endermen gathered around him as soon as he landed safely, all screeching and attempting to bite and claw at him. To end his life and make him respawn in a crumbling overworld. Xisuma’s sword only could do so much against the group and he resigned himself to this being his death.

A random arrow embedded itself into one of the endermen, surprising the admin. They normally teleported before hit. Either way, the injured enderman and its herd went after Doc, who began running away. “FOCUS ON THE CRYSTALS, XISUMA!”

Xisuma glanced at the cyborg, who was now surrounded by countless purple particles and dark figures. He had this, right? The admin turned his attention to the lowest pillar- it was the closest, thank god- and began aiming. The roar of the dragon triggered his instinct to run around and aim again.

The explosion is loud and the dragon’s roar of pain even louder. Normally, his helmet would protect against the noise but he sure as hell had none of his usual armor! Either way, he managed to hit the crystal the dragon had been using at that time. Another well aimed shot made yet another explosion ring out, the blood pounding in his ringing ears.

He needed to relocate. Staying in one place for too long would surely end with him in the void. He glanced back at doc as he processed his options. Endermen were no longer attacking him and reddish smoke faded from around the cyborg. They locked eyes and Doc gave a sharp grin, sending terror through Xisuma.

He decided to distract himself from the terror that was named Doc and ran to his next target. It was yet another easy shot for the skilled player. Eight to go and twelve arrows left. He’d have to pillar up for the caged crystals, however. Dodging out of the dragon’s way, he managed to somehow shoot an arrow through the bars of one of the cages and hit the crystal within, bits of iron bars hitting the ground.

A loud explosion made his ears pop and visions of Doc attacking him- Doc was ripping him to shreds with sick delight and murderous glee- made Xisuma stumble back, ears ringing. Did Doc have a bow, too?! That meant Xisuma was well within sniping range! Fuck it, six more to go!

He aimed at the one the dragon was using to heal itself; his hands shook. He missed. Shit, shit, shit, shit! His sword was shitty and would surely do nothing to ward the dragon off! Another loud explosion made one of his ears gain a sharp pain. Did Doc just explode something randomly?!

No, logically, Doc used his bow, right? Xisuma was just being fucked with. But that must mean that Doc was being fucked with too and therefore still under the influence of being a killer! He shook his head and took off to the next pillar.

Yet, loud static made his already sore ears hurt even more and another enderman came charging. He didn’t even look at it, dammit! He swung his shitty sword and took it down in only three blows. Not the most elegant enderman kill he’d done, but it’d do.

He didn’t want to risk anymore chances so he got out his bow again and held in a deep breath, clearing his mind of thoughts and focusing solely on the crystal before him. Fire! He got lucky, the dragon connecting with his target right as it exploded. Four more and they- well, he can start chipping away at the dragon!

Xisuma went to move closer to his next target when an arrow narrowly missed him and hit the crystal, exploding upon impact. The admin turned around and spotted Doc smiling manically, lowering his bow and tilting his head slightly as he looked at Doc. Okay, who cares if he’s above to be killed?!

Doc has obviously lost it and will torture him, maim him, hurt him, and feed him to the fucking dragon! He wanted to run as far from Doc as possible but a loud roar stopped his panicked thoughts. He barely dodged out of the oversized chicken’s way and found himself back to back with the psychotic creeper cyborg.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Xisuma glared at Doc as he screamed that, both trying to spot where the Enderbitch was. “You’re firing arrows a bit too close to me! I’d rather not die today, Doc!”

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Xisuma. I’m not aiming to kill you. You just keep being in my way…” Doc’s calm voice made Xisuma shudder and whip around to face him. Doc was fucking smiling. He was smiling and he raised his bow at Xisuma.

The admin began walking backwards and trying his best to judge where he was. Well, he knew where he was but the loud roar behind him made him duck as Doc grinned and fired an arrow at the dragon. The beast knocked Doc high into the air and Xisuma’s breath hitched in his throat. He had been prepared to fight Doc when he was about to be saved instead.

He had to do something. He looked up and saw only a speck in the sky. His mind became clear and the skill he once had in many dragon fights before came back to him. Before he knew it, his feet were moving and his hands in his inventory. Ever since the nether, he always carried a bucket for overworld lava he encountered. Ever since his delusion of not trusting Doc began.

“DOC!”


	12. Chapter 12

Doc couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t even see the ground hundreds of blocks below him. He somehow fought the fact that the wind had been knocked out of him and managed to suck in air greedily, coughing and feeling his chest ache with each shuddering inhale. He slowed his ascent to a standstill before he began falling down, seeing the world begin to rush up on him. This was how he died, huh?

He would respawn in an overworld that was crumbling and destroying himself. He would be stuck in the void forever. These were his final moments. He closed his eyes.

Doc began to whimper out his sorrowful goodbyes. He softly whispered a goodbye to Grian, whose pranks always made him laugh and brought him closer to his friends. He sputtered out a goodbye to Scar, who had been such a delight to be around during Area 77 and just in general. He sobbed out a goodbye to False, Stress, Joe, TFC, Mumbo, and every other hermit. Finally, he wailed out his final goodbye to Ren- his best friend, the one who had been with him through thick and thin.

He expected to die. He instead found himself in a puddle of water before Xisuma grabbed him and dragged him out of the dragon’s way. “Xisuma! You… saved me?” He couldn’t believe it. After everything he had done and said and- god he was a horrible person yet Xisuma still saved him. He didn’t deserve this.

“Of course. You’re my friend. And… We’ve been manipulated too much. We’ve had too many distrustful thoughts about each other. We’re not letting this break us apart. Now…” Xisuma grinned with determination in his eyes. “We have three more crystals to go!”

They quickly broke apart and went to work. Doc managed to pillar up to the other cage and mine through it before destroying the crystal from a distance with a bow. While he did that, Xisuma used the dragon knocking him up to land on one of the pillars, exploding the final two crystals. Yes! They could finally take down the Enderbitch!

Doc growled and felt energy surge through him. Every part of him wanted to go after Xisuma but, now that he knew he was being fucked with, he used this newfound rage and energy to swing at the dragon as she took her perch. He barely dodged out of the way of the noxious breath this dragon spewed out and hit her side a few times with his sword.

As she took off and sent Doc flying into the end stone, Xisuma fired off the rest of his arrows at her and dealt some good damage. He jumped down and caught himself using his water bucket, both now back to back as the dragon circled them. “Think you’re ready to put this nightmare behind us?” Doc grinned and turned to Xisuma.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Doc charged forward as the dragon perched and dealt as many blows as he could to the massive bitch of a mob. He was aware of Xisuma beside him, their blows in perfect sync to deal the most amount of damage possible. He could feel the world tugging on his mind; that annoying tingle that screamed for him to hurt Xisuma and kill him. _‘Not anymore!’ _He put forth his rage into dealing the final blow, the dragon screeching and rising up as it preformed the death animation.

“…” Xisuma panted and Doc watched the portal open up with a flurry of particles. “We did it… Th-think… we can go home, now?” Doc didn’t have time to respond before Endermen began screeching as the end island decayed from the outer edges, quickly rushing in faster than the overworld had crumbled. “Shit!”

Doc gulped and jumped in first. If he ended up in the crumbled overworld, then fine. The world won. But, he felt like that wasn’t the case. This was their way home. He closed his eyes and let the portal swallow him up.

Doc opened his eyes and felt waves hit his feet. “…Xisuma?” He looked around before spotting the other laying beside him at Hermitcraft’s spawn. “Xisuma!” He gently shook the admin, noting that he had his full set of armor back. The man sat up and looked around, feeling his armor before laughing and hugging Doc tightly.

“We’re alive! We’re back home!” Both jumped up and embraced each other, laughter and tears filling the area. They spun around in joy before falling back into the water. “G-god… That was sheer and utter hell.”

“You’re telling me…” Doc laughed before reaching into his pocket and finding his communicator. He turned it on to read the chat.

**>TangoTek: ** _Are there any more bugs I should know about?_

**>ZedaphPlays: ** _Last chance for today to tell him!_

**>MumboJumbo: ** _Other than the usual bugs Grian causes with redstone, none that I know of._

**>TangoTek: ** _Good. I’ll work on the current bugs today._

“Looks like Tango’s been taking care of the server while we were gone,” Xisuma pointed out. “I’ll have to do something for him later. I don’t even know how I’ll express my gratitude.”

“Give him all of your diamonds?” Doc chuckled. “Shit, how long were we gone, even?”

“I don’t know but let’s see if we can find anyone in the shopping district. That area is always busy.” Doc couldn’t disagree with Xisuma’s logic or idea. He followed the admin to the shopping district, silently noting the creeper holes in the floor here and there plus a zombie who was glitched into a fence post. “Admin work is tough, especially when the server has a massive crash. That must have happened after we left.”

The creeper cyborg could only mutely nod. Tango must have been under so much stress if this was the state of one of the busiest areas of the world. “I’m going to help out with your repayment to Tango. It’s… the least I can do after… what I’ve done. And said. And thought. And-“

Xisuma elbowed him. “I don’t know exactly what made us act so weird but… it wasn’t us. The world wanted us against each other for some reason. I’m… not exactly sure why it wanted us like that but it’s over now.”

“Ee-xi-uma?” Both jumped when Grian came out of Sahara. “Doc? O-ohmygod… You’re… you’re okay!” He ran up and hugged both, crying in his joy. “You’re h-here! And okay!” He laughed before sending a server message.

**>Grian: ** _SHOPPING DISTRICT. NOW._

**>Grian: ** _XISUMA AND DOC ARE BACK!_

Before Doc and Xisuma could properly prepare, everyone came to them and began chattering excitedly. Even TFC and Python came from their hiding places to greet the admin and creeper. Doc laughed when Ren all but tackled him, howling and wagging his tail in excitement. “Where did you even go, man?”

“…I…” Doc looked to Xisuma, who shrugged. “We’re not sure. But… we’re home and that’s all that matters.


	13. Chapter 13

The party continued on into the later hours of the night. Everybody was a part of it and enjoying themselves. Well, everybody but Doc and Xisuma were enjoying themselves. Xisuma walked into the nearby woods and sat beside Doc, who was shaking and trying not to sob. “Xisuma?”

“You can cry, Doc.” This made Doc burst into wails. Xisuma only rubbed his back in comfort. “You’re not a bad person. You… You were being manipulated.” He silently questioned if even thinking Doc had been under some form of mind control was his own line of thinking. Did he have free thoughts or was the world still gripping onto him with its icy claws? Would he be manipulated again?

“I wanted to hurt you, Xisuma! I actually wanted to kill you!” Doc wailed into his hands. Xisuma’s heart broke at seeing the once tough cyborg fall apart so easily. He wrapped his arm around his friend and hummed, taking off his helmet so it wouldn’t cause discomfort for Doc. “I don’t think I can ever fight anyone ever again, X. I… I’m too scared of myself! I wanted my trident just so I could impale you over and over and over and ov-“

Xisuma pulled away from Doc. “Stop. You’re not at fault, Doc.” He turned Doc to him and smiled. “I forgive you.” That only made Doc wail louder and grip Xisuma. “…It’s okay, Doc. I don’t hold anything against you, okay?”

“…Th-thank you, Xisuma,” Doc muttered after a few minutes of sobs. “I… I don’t want to ever hurt anyone ever again, even in friendly PVP…”

“That’s understandable. Honestly…” He debated telling Doc that even being near him was difficult. Did Doc still want to hurt him? To kill him? “Honestly, I feel like I’m still affected by what that world did to us.”

“…Shut up, Xisuma. I know you’re still scared of me. And for good reason. For fuck’s sake! I went fucking insane in there! I wanted to kill you!” He balled up his fists, sending a jolt of fear through Xisuma. Was he going to hurt him? Was he going to try to be rid of him and take over the server? He shook his head to free himself from those thoughts.

“Stop right now!” Xisuma didn’t mean to be that loud… Doc looked at him with fearful eyes and Xisuma remembered his threat to ban Doc in the heat of the moment before placing the first eye of ender. God, he was a horrible person for even using banning as leverage against Doc. Why was he even liked by Doc?

“I know… I shouldn’t feel so horrible. We were… not ourselves.” Doc chuckled somberly. “Let’s just… try to put this shit behind us, okay?” Xisuma couldn’t argue with that so he stood up and helped his friend up. “Ready to go back to the party?” Xisuma nodded and both went back to the group, Doc cleaning his face from snot and tears.

\---

Xisuma was as silent as possible. He had to be if he was to avoid detection. Hell, he even had his helmet off to hide his breathing. The admin peeked around a corner and spotted Doc sitting with Ren on the beach. Was the creeper okay after that party a few days ago? He seemed fine now but… Xisuma still worried. He listened in on their conversation.

“I grabbed your stuff after the end raid, by the way. I have your armor, sword, tride-“

“You can keep the trident, Ren. I’m… not exactly wanting to use it again.” Doc chuckled darkly. “Think of it as a gift from me to you.” He sighed before Ren lowered his ears and tail.

“Doc, you were gone for almost three months and you come back acting strange! What happened?” Xisuma gulped. They had been gone for almost a quarter of the year? No wonder everybody was so overjoyed to see them. Hell, even Tango had offered to help out with admin ship of the server until Xisuma got back into the groove of everything.

Xisuma didn’t miss the fact that Doc shuddered and turned away from Ren. “I’m… not ready to talk about it, okay? I just… can’t use my trident again. Don’t question me on it, please.” Ren placed a hand on Doc’s shoulder and frowned. “I’m fine, Ren.”

“Are you sure?” Ren whimpered softly. Seeing how uncomfortable Doc was with Ren’s questioning, Xisuma decided to take action. He stepped into view and cleared his throat, making both jump and turn to him; Doc’s expression was one of terror for a moment.

“Doc? I want to talk to you about… something. Can you come with me?” He nodded away from them towards a more secluded area. “I promise it’s not bad.”

“…I’ll be back, Ren.” Doc hugged Ren and got up before walking over to Xisuma. “What’s going on?” Xisuma gently pulled Doc away and to the secluded area.

“I… I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Guilt rose up in his throat. After the party, he had begun to feel burning guilt and regret for accidentally dragging Doc into the world with him. Xisuma still had no idea exactly how he did it but it only made sense that he did. “For bringing you to that world with me. I don’t know how but… I must have made a mistake when going to the world by myself. It’s my fault you’re traumatized by this.”

“I’m not trauma…” Realization fell over Doc’s face as his sentence trailed off. “…I can’t deny that what happened affected me. It’ll do so forever. Hell, I gave my trident to Ren!”

“I know. I overheard. I think we…. We need to talk about everything instead of ignoring it. We tried to put it behind us but… I’ve been having nightmares, Doc! They won’t stop so, clearly, bottling this up isn’t working. Let’s just… set aside a time to talk about it, okay?” Xisuma held out his hand toward Doc, who blinked in shock. “Let’s work through this together.”

Doc smiled and took his hand, pulling him close into a hug and chuckling. “Alright. Let’s not let the world win. We’ll fight this trauma- together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. This is done. I don’t even know where to start other than thank you. Thank you all from the very bottom of my heart. I’m sorry for that unexpected hiatus we had for a bit there but now I’m glad it’s over. I’m glad we finished this. Big, big, BIG thanks to worddumb, who helped me through this and cowrote a good chunk of the story! I’m super glad I met them and started down this journey with them by my side! I cannot even begin to express my gratitude to them and I have no idea how to properly thank them. This story will most likely not have a sequel. I feel like it’s good where it is. However, feel free to come up with theories or even your own story behind the world! I’m leaving all of that in your hands.  
Overall, this story was a hell of a ride. I will forever hold this one close in my heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you! For all of the support, love, and amazing comments! Word is even happy and thankful!  
Thank you everybody.  
-Poochen


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